BDSM Education- Anal Stuff

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So you are interested in Anal play.  Here are some tips to help:  

You will need lube, lots of it (waterbased).  
You will need to go slowly.  
You will need to be relaxed, having desire helps, remember tension will hinder things.
Obtain multiple size butt plugs/dildos/anal beads.
You might want to warm the butt plug/dildo/anal beads up in hot water for 10-15 minutes to give it a more natural feeling.
You might find Anal Eaze Desensitizing Cream, Rear Entry Desensitizing Anal Lube or any similar product that has Benzocaine to be very helpful for the first few times of experimentation, otherwise go for a water based anal lube.  Some folks use Extra Strength OraGel.  Brand names listed here are for identification purposes only and do not imply
endorsement.  Be aware some anal lubes are flavored and can have ingredients that folks are allergic to or ingredients that can break down latex of a condom or glove.  Check the ingredients before using.  
You can warm the lube in the same manner as the insertables if desired.  
Some folks also insert peppermints to produce extra internal lubrication and a different sensation.  
It is suggested that if you are going to do fisting use a vinyl glove, if you are going to use your cock use a condom.  If you don't use a glove or condom be sure and wash up (hands and penis) with at least Betadine.  You really don't want to spread hepatitis or HIV or any other STD.

Try not to set expectations as this will lead to disappointment and frustration.  Someone new will feel like a failure if the expectation is to work them up to take your cock or fist the first time.  Most people will need several tries before you both reach a place you will love/enjoy.

Does it mean I am gay or something is wrong with me if I like anal sex?  

NO.  Millions of heterosexual men and women enjoy anal sex.  Millions of gay men and lesbians enjoy anal sex.  So don't let your imagination, or society's pressures lead you to think anything is wrong with you.  Indulge and enjoy!

Won't I get hemorrhoids if I do anything anal?

No.  Hemorrhoids are not caused by anal sex/play.  The most two most common cause of hemorrhoids are: Just standing or constant sitting.  
Things that contribute to hemorrhoids: constipation (especially if you strain), diet, diarrhea, obesity, heavy lifting and severe coughing.  It is common for women to get hemorrhoids when pregnant.  Static's show that half the population has hemorrhoids by the time they are 50 years old.

How much lube should I use?  

LOTS!  Lube everything.  If using a butt plug lube everything except the flange.  Leave no dry spot.  

I want to be able to take things larger, how can I work my way up in one play session?  

After you have or your Dom/me has worked your starting size insertable in, (which has been done slowly and gradually inch by inch as you become comfortable with it in you, and the sphincter muscle relaxed) and at least 15 minutes or more has passed, you than can move up in size.  Your sphincter muscle is now relaxed, you anus is now accepting since you just used an insertable.  You continue the same process moving up the size scale until you reach the goal (cock/dildo/fist).  This will take at least an hour.  
Tips- 
~Anus muscles do spasm, if they are painful you should end anal play at that point.  A warm tub or sitz bath for 15-20 minutes might help ease any pain.
~Butt plugs are tapered so they stretch the sphincter muscle less than a dildo/cock/fist. 
~If you are worried about fecal matter leaking, do an enema at least 30 minutes prior to anal play.  FYI-Feces don't move into one's rectum until prior to a bowel movement. 
~ To locate the two internal sphincter muscles insert a finger 1-2 inches in your anus and press your finger against the anal wall, you should be able to clearly feel the two sphincter muscles.  There is about a 1/4 inch between them.  The external sphincter muscles you can control by relaxing and tightening when you wish.

Will anal sex hurt?  

No, just like vaginal intercourse you have to get used to it.  If you remember vaginal intercourse was painful the first few times and not all that much fun.  So just like vaginal intercourse it takes practice, lots of lube and you should start out small and work your way up.

I want to be able to take things larger how can I work my way up in a slower manner and not all at one time?  

After you or your Dom/me has worked your starting size insertable in (which is the last size you worked up to the last time) and at least 15 minutes or more has passed, you than can move up one or more sizes.  You need to do this several nights in succession.  Some folks find that twice a week for several weeks also works.  

Do I have to watch for anything?  

Yes, tearing, over-stretching, or loss of muscle tone.  
You also have to be aware things can become stuck or unreachable to retrieve.  

Tip-
Punch 2 holes in the flange/bottom/base of the butt plug and attach a long piece of fishing line or leather thong, (it is better to be washable and strong).  This will help in making retrieval easier.  If something does not come out with this assisting, try sitting on the toilet and see if nature and gravity will help.  Don't try to bear down or force it, that will make things worse.  If you are in pain or it doesn't come out in 2-3 hours go to the emergency room, remember they have seen things far worse.

My Dom/me wants me to wear a butt plug all day.  Is that okay to do?  

Yes, with the exception of removing for restroom use.  It is common for the small sized butt plugs (the ones that look about an inch wide) to be worn all day or even a few days in a row.  Some subs say they forget they even have one in and the butt plug is very comfortable.  A butt plug harness will probably make things uncomfortable, so avoid them unless that is the purpose of the exercise/reason.  

Are there length of times one should be aware of regarding how long you can leave a butt plug inserted?  

Yes.  These are guidelines, but as with everything some people can do longer and some can't last that long. 
The butt plugs that look about two inches wide should not exceed 6 hours.  The muscles can start burning or tiring. 
The butt plugs that look about three inches wide should not exceed 3 hours.  The muscles can start burning much earlier the larger the plug is. 

Can someone really put their fist in my ass? 

Yes.  Make sure all finger nails are filed, or you run the risk of cutting or scraping the inside of your anus.  Cutting, scraping or tearing will hurt and the play/fun will stop.  It is highly recommended you use a vinyl glove.  If you don't use a glove be sure and wash up with at least Betadine.
Tip- Start like you would with working up in size with the butt plug only you start with one finger, then two, then three, then four as you slowly work all the fingers in and then slowly curl your hand into a fist for fucking. 

I hear doggie style is one of the best positions for anal sex, is it?  

Doggie style allows the one being penetrated to move forward/away when needed, so for those new, this can be very useful.  Be aware that this position also gets the deepest penetration.  Just like vaginal intercourse there are many enjoyable and exciting positions.

Are there any no-no's? 

Yes.  Never take anything from the anus and insert it into the vagina.  The risk for infection, etc. far exceeds the few minutes/hours of fun.  
Also never touch the vagina with fingers that have been around the anus.  
Think about what you are inserting, will you lose it? can it puncture or cause tearing? will a suction form if you try to remove it? (Classic opened coke bottle-the suction when removing is highly likely to cause a prolapsed rectum or ripping/tearing of the anus walls.  But I see photos of a coke bottle in someone's ass.  Yes, but you don't see the cap on it to prevent the suction).

What if I bleed? 

If you end up bleeding, go see your doctor to rule out hemorrhoids.  

Any way to help me enjoy anal play more?

Yes.  Dom/me's have your finger in your sub's ass during orgasms, this will train them to enjoy anal sex.  Of course you can use a butt plug instead of a finger or two.  If you allow your sub to masturbate and orgasm, then they must have a butt plug in to be allowed to orgasm and it must remain for all orgasms. 

Are there other activities for my ass? 

Yes.  Rimming-having a tongue inserted into your anus.  
Having your asshole and surrounding area licked.
Having a finger or butt plug in one's anus while oral sex is being done to you. 
Having a finger or butt plug in one's anus while intercourse or fisting is being done to you. 
Having your anus opening rubbed. 
Having a vibrator held to your anal opening or against an insertable.  
Don't forget clothespins, abrasion toys, wax, spanking or caning, etc.!  

Here are some very helpful books and DVD/Video's regarding anal activities/sex:


Anal Pleasure & Health

Nina Hartley's Guide to Anal Sex

The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women

 

The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men

Better Sex

Trust, the Hand Book

 

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